June 12th (supposedly more responsible)

Now that I’ve reached 22, I feel like I should permanently wear dungarees or something, not as a decision in the classical sense, but a natural and expected consequence of time’s passage. Spent the day indulging in my internal world at the cinema. I watched The Mummy at first, which was much better than the impression the trailer gave. Then Baywatch; it was funny. In between, there was the half-baked success of trying to assimilate my thoughts and emotions into a coherent narrative. Unfortunately, I spent most of this time with my head in my hands, wondering when Holyspirit would show up.

At the moment, Psalm 18 really describes my mental state: “He brought me out into a spacious place.” In really grateful Jesus has brought me freedom from restrictions and patterns. Now my mind’s expanding, but transcension brings freedom, uncertainty, and a need to trust.

After all this, went to Jayne’s for family tea. It’s weird, but I always find it uncomfortable having a fuss made over me. I don’t mind attracting attention to myself, but when I’m getting it for something I’m not responsible for, it feels undeserved. Obviously some major spiritual strongholds need demolishing so I can understand grace more.

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