October 5th (moments of clarity)

After a few days of minimal glory and general lack of direction, I found a random, new place where I feel comfortable being alone. There is a rather bleak clearing near my house, but when I walked past it and went in, it reflected my need for space and levelness. Felt the Father beckoning me.

Afterwards, I realised that while I was there, I wasn’t thinking about money, jobs, time or anything like that, but rather how to preserve my freedom, or independence. I like how church is so focused on community life, but I’m always scared that my personality will be slowly degraded, being mixed into a generic tomato soup of character. But it says in John 5,

“As the Father has life in himself, so he has granted the Son also to have life in himself.”

Weird, because Jesus has a separate will to the Father, and lives of his own accord, and yet their actions always coalesce perfectly.

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