Worked today, fairly standard. It brings me great peace when table 5 is available for my lunch break, although a screaming child didn’t nurture the initial atmosphere. The mysterious afternoon upset stomach retuned for a second day, with no identifiable stimuli. I thought my mind and body were totally in sync? Apparently not.
Relaxed after a shower listening to Muse; heavy space rock is always great for the nerves. Then randomly invented a worship song on piano while playing. Just finishing some lyrics, with as much Exodus imagery as possible. Then went to Restore prayer thing, which I found surprisingly engaging. Yay prayer.
Had a driving lesson this morning, and decided to read Lamentations while waiting. Some intense acrostic poems going on there. After an hour of completely losing myself in road networks, I did some cleaning, this time accompanied by the glory of silence. Sure I met the spirit animal of autumn in Hillsborough Park afterwards, which led to much gleeful kicking of piles of leaves, and trying to capture their brilliance in slo-mo video.
Watched Blade Runner 2049 tonight. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a sequel emulate an original so successfully, to the extent it extends the subject content beyond the expected. Both films are very episodic, with nice amounts of time spent on atmosphere.
It was time for Pilates to be resurrected into my normal routine. Since starting Chi Kung, I’ve fallen into exercise snobbery, believing it to be the final word on all things core strength. But I think this dynamic duo is the way to release random, morning back ache. Cue a mission into the loft to reattain my Pilates ring, an operation involving many risky manoeuvres. After risking lifelong spine damage for short term benefits, I later realised I didn’t even need to use it. But I live for that buzz.
Usual Monday floating ensued, drifting between piano lessons and extended coffee stops. Wondering if it’s possible to build a spirituality based entirely on encounter, without the need to behave, manage time, or “live well”. Jesus is definitely there, in the deep and shallow, with or without people, in eternal, defining moments, and everyday working and waiting. “For from him and through him and for him are all things.”
Another joyous trip to church today, unleashing the bass and backing vocal skills upon an unsuspecting congregation. Then a lunch trip with e visiting grandparents. In my head I had a pub in the perfect location, but upon arrival, it turned out said food establishment had become a posh carvery. It was lovely though, and had great general chat about life and how not to scream during sermons.
My trip to the newly discovered, barren wasteland of nature energy was plagued by an irritating puppy. Got some Vitamin D though. Completed rewatching Naruto vs Pain; beautiful animation. Deep into the evening, finally reached a state of tangible worship. I’m hovering and skirting on the edge of some new plane of emotion that I’ve no idea how to navigate. Really getting into Bleach, so maybe this will pick up the self-awareness revelation where Naruto left off.
Suffice to say that it work was a standard Saturday, with all the drama and potential of heart failure included. Coffee o’clock was delayed by one hour, an event which went unnoticed by everyone but myself, but could have borne catastrophic results.
After completing the weekly cycle of rebirth that comes with washing my hair, and all other positive emotions, I listened to Feeder’s Comfort in Sound album. So refreshing to experience music in and of itself. Interesting conversations at tea, with the fact that Slimming World list eating bread as a “sin” being fundamentally unbiblical. Carried on reading John afterwards; continually drawn into the mystery of who Jesus was. Who knows?
A minor miscalculation in my morning time frames meant my normal, spiritual exercise was slightly rushed. I’m sure I moved an inch closer to the aether, though. Then work, which was surprisingly quite, which led to several strange scenarios, involving a new, tall toilet plunger, dancing, and somersaulting spectacles. My grandparents came in just as I was on my break, which was nice.
Can’t get enough of kitchens, and cooked an eclectic curry when I got home, to Ghost Stories by Coldplay, and Blue Neighbourhood by Troye Sivan. Both original glory albums. Impulsively decided to watch Blade for the first time. Not sure whether I was made for this film, or the film was made for me. Outrageous violence is always more acceptable when fantasy elements and backflips are involved.
After a few days of minimal glory and general lack of direction, I found a random, new place where I feel comfortable being alone. There is a rather bleak clearing near my house, but when I walked past it and went in, it reflected my need for space and levelness. Felt the Father beckoning me.
Afterwards, I realised that while I was there, I wasn’t thinking about money, jobs, time or anything like that, but rather how to preserve my freedom, or independence. I like how church is so focused on community life, but I’m always scared that my personality will be slowly degraded, being mixed into a generic tomato soup of character. But it says in John 5,
“As the Father has life in himself, so he has granted the Son also to have life in himself.”
Weird, because Jesus has a separate will to the Father, and lives of his own accord, and yet their actions always coalesce perfectly.
Shorts season has truly ended. Not only that, I was so freezing walking this morning, I thought the full winter jacket needed to come out. This would be an impingement on my civil liberties. Stripped of the freedom that shorts bring, ditching the gilet at this point would be tantamount to suffocation. I need a few more days of being able to spontaneously circle my arms energetically while walking.
Tried out some organisation, but somehow ended up playing music. After listening to Jess Glynne, I’m even more convinced that a jazz piano takeover is imminent. For the glory of the Lord.
Spent the whole day alone. Activities consisted of lying on my bed, reading the bible, watching Blade Runner, hoovering, overeating, lying on my bed again in a food coma, and going on a walk to remedy the food coma. I’ve never understood the commercial success of Henry hoovers. They’re difficult to use, the power lead comes out of the front, which is an engineering nightmare, and it follows you around the house like some perverted, red thing, peering at you from around the corner.
Revisited one of my favourite moments in Naruto. In such a long-term series, characters and plot lines can reach highs and low that are simply unachievable in films, or a standard ten episodes.
Began the process of slowly rebuilding my emotions and general direction of life. After the unexpected purchase of many CDs yesterday, it was time to sample my new wave of music, and what consequences it will have on my future. Lana Del Rey is the newest edition to my female vocal artists hall-of-fame. Don’t worry Gaga, you’re still queen.
Taught piano on the brink of exhaustion, to the extent I was wondering who actually knew more about the topic at hand. Went to Costa to hang out with Gethin, and then Holyspirit. Journaled like a good, Western Christian. The imagery of the pensieve in Harry Potter really helps me with this tedious but beneficial process. Get the thoughts down, so they’re not chasing each other around my brain.