Enjoyed observing the aesthetic on the walk to work. The placement of every tree, underpass, building and pavement is very fascinating. There is a strange comfort in the predictability that when I turn a corner, the same journey lies ahead as the day before.
Work was surprisingly manageable, with only a sustainable level of kitchen madness reached. Although my meditative, outdoor break time was defiled by a guy from the café next door talking to me. The walk back was like a mystical, ritual cleansing. When it’s raining heavily, it’s really fulfilling to get drenched when it doesn’t matter. These are the extremes I live; sweat in front of a grill, drown in a deluge.
Fairly standard day at work, sauntering around like a cat. I shaved my legs yesterday to see what girls are always on about, and I feel fabulous. Although worrying in hindsight whether I should have waited for sheep shearing season to be more aligned with the natural order.
Random Holyspirit bombs dropping at a random social at church tonight, which featured sang Swedish prayer, and also a sustained level of restlessness from my direction, in constant longing of reclaiming my evening in the sake of dark reflection.
Wondering if the Father wants to know me, rather than randomly turn up in a glory shower. Was thinking about the tides and rainfall, how we can predict their patterns, but never the singular occurrence of waves, or the condensation of individual droplets. Should I treat Holyspirit’s moves likewise, and take them as they come, or consciously seek them? It will rain, but God is sovereign, and praying will make it more likely, if nothing else.
After my weekly, Monday lie-in, I occupied myself with a mixture of exercising, watching Cowboy Bebop, and eating food at such times that didn’t fall under the labels of breakfast, brunch or lunch. Such dissolution of structure. Then headed off to teach piano. One lesson contained improvised songs, which were simultaneously dissonant, hilarious and profound.
In between all this was the traditional Costa trip, now appearing on a Monday time slot instead of Wednesday. The dishwasher was broken, so automatically decided to purchase a reusable mug instead of using a disposable one, in an irresistible reflex against environmental destruction. Didn’t reach any new, spiritual highs, but dealt with a lot of life admin.
Dramatic windy times on Bole Hills with mixed feelings: should I have exercised my right to the last possible shorts day in 2017? I’ll have to wait fifty years to find out if I’ve caused damage to my kneecaps. The pizza fast was broken at the evening work social, and then cocktails for the first time in my life; I love alcohol.
Actually enjoyed church quite a bit this morning, with being able to play piano and extend my megalomaniacal creativity. However, socialising was absolutely not an option afterwards; time needed to be invested in recuperating the nature energy. Didn’t get much time as the sun went in, but it’s so beneficial to be in an environment that’s neutral to any person, organisation or expectation, and have the freedom to assess what I actually feel.
I realise that we’re often told to prioritise our own desires to bring us satisfaction. But when we value heart over head, this can lead us to reject any negative emotion. Holyspirit was telling me that the truth of his presence is undeniable, and beyond any feeling. It’s time to stop focusing on perceived reality above what’s known and proven. We love to live for the unexpected, the unknown and the buzz, but this can’t take the place of common sense, or what needs to be achieved. It says in Proverbs, “Out in the open wisdom calls aloud.” The everyday doesn’t need to be boring.
The morning routine has reached unprecedented heights; I managed to do Chi Kung, Pilates, and purchase milk for breakfast, all before 9:15. The back tension doesn’t know what to do. I can barely hold on under such an onslaught. Victories were slightly dampened by a cancelled driving lesson. Put my spare time to good use watching abortion and Friends. So much drama, so much laughter.
After writing a talk at church with Hyland, and an exceptional Tuscan bean soup, it was time for meaningful reflections on Ecclesall Road. I always visit this area when I need a good few hours of thought, as it reminds me of my time at uni, a period of constant flux. Listened to Halcyon Days by Ellie Goulding, the original glory soundtrack. Some crazy brain connections were made, which may need to forethought the political correctness sieve before sharing. Then curry wars at the Williams’. I’m sorry, but jar flavouring can never supersede the organic.
Had a driving lesson this morning, and decided to read Lamentations while waiting. Some intense acrostic poems going on there. After an hour of completely losing myself in road networks, I did some cleaning, this time accompanied by the glory of silence. Sure I met the spirit animal of autumn in Hillsborough Park afterwards, which led to much gleeful kicking of piles of leaves, and trying to capture their brilliance in slo-mo video.
Watched Blade Runner 2049 tonight. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a sequel emulate an original so successfully, to the extent it extends the subject content beyond the expected. Both films are very episodic, with nice amounts of time spent on atmosphere.
Another joyous trip to church today, unleashing the bass and backing vocal skills upon an unsuspecting congregation. Then a lunch trip with e visiting grandparents. In my head I had a pub in the perfect location, but upon arrival, it turned out said food establishment had become a posh carvery. It was lovely though, and had great general chat about life and how not to scream during sermons.
My trip to the newly discovered, barren wasteland of nature energy was plagued by an irritating puppy. Got some Vitamin D though. Completed rewatching Naruto vs Pain; beautiful animation. Deep into the evening, finally reached a state of tangible worship. I’m hovering and skirting on the edge of some new plane of emotion that I’ve no idea how to navigate. Really getting into Bleach, so maybe this will pick up the self-awareness revelation where Naruto left off.
Most of today was spent experiencing a cultural revival, by which I mean a renaissance of all my pop music idols, idols being a positive term in this context, as all their music helps me chat with the Lord Almighty. Hello Lady Gaga, Macklemore and Justin Bieber. Offensive language needn’t get in the way of a spiritual rinsing.
On the way to Ben and Grace’s leaving party, I walked through the cemetery. I only found out about this place when I moved away from that area, but it’s really atmospheric. This evening, the combination of trees and misty rain sent me on a nature energy bender. I often think it’s beneficial to get slightly lost. Many hijinks ensued at the house, including deceptively strong punch, and erotic mirrors.
Really manic day at The Cabin today. There was only one minute throughout the entire day when there wasn’t a food order. I enjoyed walking back; it was raining lightly, and the edges of trees always look different to me when it does. Perhaps I needed to wipe my glasses.
Was super-excited to have the house to myself for the next few days, and capitalised on the opportunity by lying on my bed for half an hour, trying to work out how to break my boredom; a stark contrast from how I felt while working. I used to fill lots of my time with practicing music, but that doesn’t seem to fit anymore, although I did play guitar for quite a while. It’s so easy to just revert to screen-related relaxation, but I need to gather the mental energy to read a book so my intellect doesn’t start rotting.