Redefine

Five seconds ago, I decided two words will now form my new basis for interpreting the world. I don’t know or care if these words currently exist, because my limitless creativity doesn’t have time for issues like that.

Subreal – the normal state of affairs which experience has taught us to expect. While often mildly disappointing, repeated failures have taught us to accept this as the status quo. For example, “Stuart woke up, and he became overwhelmed as he realised how subreal his day-to-day life was. This induced a surreal feeling of nausea.”

Supereal – the ideal, dream realm that we want to live in, but have never truly believed is achievable since the age of seven. While this currently resides in our imagination, it desperately wants to break into our mundane routine. “But, decisively swallowing all rising stomach acids, Stuart fixed his eyes on the supereal. One day, he would earn 22k a year, and all his problems would evaporate. Accordingly, he fell on his knees and prayed to the God of heaven.”

Obviously, there is the possibility to extend these concepts beyond the form of nouns. Currently considering starting a new branch of philosophy: subrealism vs superealism. Applications will open soon, but there will be an initial, £50 administration charge.

Before the intellectual world gets destroyed by shockwaves of revelation, I’ll explain the unique set of circumstances which birthed this revolution. For the past few days I’ve been sick, especially on Thursday. This meant that my innocent decision to eat tomato soup resulted in significant, digestive upheaval. I they lay in bed for an interminable amount of time, both fatigued, and slightly shocked at having vomited for the first time in eight years.

During this lapse, I realised that my inactivity seemed to be having little effect on my long-term goals. While I had to miss a day of work, by focusing on simple tasks, like cleaning my teeth, I was able to see past my illness. This made it bearable, even though spending most of Friday deciding whether or not to watch Pacific Rim isn’t the most productive use of time.

Being so focused on how I’m using every moment to it’s maximum capacity, I often forget how a positive mindset is crucial to achieving real change and process. While I can’t mooch in my bed forever, I don’t feel like my life has been catastrophically hampered by this ordeal. Maybe it’s best when reflection occurs naturally, rather than in engineered coffee stops.

Patterns

Over the past few weeks, I’ve discovered one of my favourite pastimes is finding patterns, something I’m so fond of I can find little time to do anything else. Every experience, thought and feeling I have undergoes rigorous testing and interrogation, in the hope of answering the question: “Why has this happened, to me, right now, and how should I react?”

This enquiry is so inherent in my thought processes, it’s taken me ages to realise that it exists, and also that such analysis is not carried out by every member of our species. Recently, measuring how my future spirituality, career, friendships and relationships should pan, and trying to draw them into a coherent entity has taken up almost all my energy. As this has been mostly internal, it’s been extremely difficult to communicate this externally. How can you tell someone that you’re assessing the fundamental values of everything you hold dear, when even your preferred methods of communication are being thrown into doubt?

The other evening, I asked myself for the first time, “What if there isn’t a pattern?” It’s true, many things that happen to us are meaningless, at least in the sense that they had no positive or negative intent. I don’t believe in a supernatural, micromanaging deity, or people are always trying to exert influence over any other person or situation. The majority of the countless actions and gestures that are enacted each and every moment of every day, are no more than random occurrences.

But such a train of thought can only lead to apathy. However trivial day-to-day life may appear, I want to capture every possible moment of beauty available. The mundane can be constantly surprising. Even though I walk the same route into town every time, I am consistently surprised and overwhelmed by small details: facial expressions, the curves of roads, building aesthetics, and the sun shining through trees.

Conversely, I have also found times of artistic immersion, such as trips to the cinema, and album listening sessions, to be not only enjoyable, but essential. Such periods allow me to realign myself to what is most important. In the same way it’s important not to live in a fairy tail, I don’t want to stop hoping for the perfect ideal.

Public service announcement

This is a public service announcement, with regards to the daily updates. The definition of “daily” is now more fluid, and may be interpreted as every other day, sometimes, when I can be bothered, or when I have something interesting to say. This decision has come straight from head office, to provide the main character of said stories with the necessary space to think without expectation, that he often desperately needs.

October 26th (hello world)

Definitely ranking up there in my top fifty most unproductive days of all time. Notable achievements are cooking a stir fry that successfully used up excess broccoli, only for the heartbreaking discovery afterwards that there were, indeed, spring onions in the fridge. My quality of life missed out on a while percent.

Did manage to send off some important things, including a letter to the council to take back money that is rightfully ours, but without the need for green leggings and a bow. Played a MIDI keyboard for the first time in a music-playing session: I hate the phrase, “jam.” Found myself in a mini glory shower on the train back, but then realised I was tired. Classic corner has become an essential evening item. I assess how much damage the world has inflicted on me, and vice versa, while listening to wordless music that can’t judge me, or force me to feel a particular emotion. 

October 23rd (embrace your humanity)

Monday’s are the only day at the moment when I can lie in, but are also designated as my Chi Kung and Pilates, pre-breakfast killer combo. This means I go from my highest state of lethargy to intense exercise within the space of an hour. I never stop breaking limits, with breakfast and lunch merges intonation unbelievably short time. There is no limit to my time efficiency, provider I’m allowed a ten minute leeway to any appointments.

Yet again, certain piano lessons concluded with surreal, improvised prayer songs; the best kind. And then followed by the coffee trip, where I balance my aversion to chain organisations with my need to sit quietly for an indeterminate length of time. Thinking about being a real person, and dealing with problems. When God created us, he said, “His is very good.” That statement covered our potential for success, but also unlimited failure. So why do we often act as if Jesus is hampered by our difficulties, like they need to be dealt with before “progress” can be made? He’s not as squeamish as we think.

October 22nd (Bach rules)

Another Sunday morning of worship practice, with the slow, repeated cycle of energy. Slowly wilting, then waking up, remembering Jesus, and having a short energy boost before flagging again. The standard piano rules applied; didn’t do anything Bach wouldn’t do, unless it’s jazz. If you’ve been looking for where the Lutheran church meets major seventh chords, I am that fulcrum.

Continued much in the same vein by shamelessly revelling in music containing any form of keys, from Jess Glynne to Miles Davis. My forecasted afternoon of zero activity and pure glory was slightly disturbed by preparing for morning prayers on Tuesday. Although I ended up blessing myself with a small biblical tour about not running away from negative emotion. 

After that life admin started an insidious takeover. However, the result is I’ve never been more organised, and have music ready for lessons now, instead of a frantic scramble before sprinting from the house.

October 19th (snorlax)

Reached new heights of productivity today, or alternatively, flabbergasting lows. Spent the whole day moving around the house in a bright green, Snorlax t-shirt, wondering when my life would magically change. There was the pleasing news that BT finally realised that I was telling the truth on the phone, and didn’t owe ninety pounds for internet I’d never used. Everything would work much more smoothly if everyone believed what I said to be absolute fact.

Accidentally drank myself into a Holyspirit moment while having my peppermint tea. Then it ended, so I continued lamenting the fact I wasn’t constantly in a glory cloud. Even an emergency excursion into John’s gospel didn’t work, but I have decided that Jess Glynne’s debut album is more anointed than most contemporary, worship music. Now left with that horrible feeling that Jesus is there, but my levels of activity-based distraction are slightly too high to engage.

October 17th (ninja way)

I wouldn’t normally opt to spend a day inside when it’s sunny, but normal rules and restraints go out of the window where ninjas are involved. Went to the cinema to watch the Ninjago movie; the Lord was speaking. All the Lego films somehow manage to be ridiculous and poignant simultaneously. After a brief lunch break, I watched Loving Vincent, an animated film made up entirely of paintings. One of the most extraordinary films I’ve ever watched.

Cleaned afterwards, feeling slightly weird. Think was a combo of the exhilarating Van Gogh visuals, and a lack of lunchtime caffeine. Great conditions to deliver a talk to the students on helping poor and vulnerable people, then. My love for coronation chicken has undone me. I feel like I’m going to give birth, but in which direction, I’m not sure.

October 16th (what rules)

After my weekly, Monday lie-in, I occupied myself with a mixture of exercising, watching Cowboy Bebop, and eating food at such times that didn’t fall under the labels of breakfast, brunch or lunch. Such dissolution of structure. Then headed off to teach piano. One lesson contained improvised songs, which were simultaneously dissonant, hilarious and profound.

In between all this was the traditional Costa trip, now appearing on a Monday time slot instead of Wednesday. The dishwasher was broken, so automatically decided to purchase a reusable mug instead of using a disposable one, in an irresistible reflex against environmental destruction. Didn’t reach any new, spiritual highs, but dealt with a lot of life admin. 

Dramatic windy times on Bole Hills with mixed feelings: should I have exercised my right to the last possible shorts day in 2017? I’ll have to wait fifty years to find out if I’ve caused damage to my kneecaps. The pizza fast was broken at the evening work social, and then cocktails for the first time in my life; I love alcohol.

October 15th (truth of his presence)

Actually enjoyed church quite a bit this morning, with being able to play piano and extend my megalomaniacal creativity. However, socialising was absolutely not an option afterwards; time needed to be invested in recuperating the nature energy. Didn’t get much time as the sun went in, but it’s so beneficial to be in an environment that’s neutral to any person, organisation or expectation, and have the freedom to assess what I actually feel.

I realise that we’re often told to prioritise our own desires to bring us satisfaction. But when we value heart over head, this can lead us to reject any negative emotion. Holyspirit was telling me that the truth of his presence is undeniable, and beyond any feeling. It’s time to stop focusing on perceived reality above what’s known and proven. We love to live for the unexpected, the unknown and the buzz, but this can’t take the place of common sense, or what needs to be achieved. It says in Proverbs, “Out in the open wisdom calls aloud.” The everyday doesn’t need to be boring.