October 21st (extremes)

Enjoyed observing the aesthetic on the walk to work. The placement of every tree, underpass, building and pavement is very fascinating. There is a strange comfort in the predictability that when I turn a corner, the same journey lies ahead as the day before.

Work was surprisingly manageable, with only a sustainable level of kitchen madness reached. Although my meditative, outdoor break time was defiled by a guy from the café next door talking to me. The walk back was like a mystical, ritual cleansing. When it’s raining heavily, it’s really fulfilling to get drenched when it doesn’t matter. These are the extremes I live; sweat in front of a grill, drown in a deluge.

October 20th (waiting for the rain)

Fairly standard day at work, sauntering around like a cat. I shaved my legs yesterday to see what girls are always on about, and I feel fabulous. Although worrying in hindsight whether I should have waited for sheep shearing season to be more aligned with the natural order.

Random Holyspirit bombs dropping at a random social at church tonight, which featured sang Swedish prayer, and also a sustained level of restlessness from my direction, in constant longing of reclaiming my evening in the sake of dark reflection.

Wondering if the Father wants to know me, rather than randomly turn up in a glory shower. Was thinking about the tides and rainfall, how we can predict their patterns, but never the singular occurrence of waves, or the condensation of individual droplets. Should I treat Holyspirit’s moves likewise, and take them as they come, or consciously seek them? It will rain, but God is sovereign, and praying will make it more likely, if nothing else.

October 19th (snorlax)

Reached new heights of productivity today, or alternatively, flabbergasting lows. Spent the whole day moving around the house in a bright green, Snorlax t-shirt, wondering when my life would magically change. There was the pleasing news that BT finally realised that I was telling the truth on the phone, and didn’t owe ninety pounds for internet I’d never used. Everything would work much more smoothly if everyone believed what I said to be absolute fact.

Accidentally drank myself into a Holyspirit moment while having my peppermint tea. Then it ended, so I continued lamenting the fact I wasn’t constantly in a glory cloud. Even an emergency excursion into John’s gospel didn’t work, but I have decided that Jess Glynne’s debut album is more anointed than most contemporary, worship music. Now left with that horrible feeling that Jesus is there, but my levels of activity-based distraction are slightly too high to engage.

October 18th (episodes)

Really appreciated Chi King this morning. Focused less on the timings and more on being; felt much more beneficial. The legacy of coronation chicken was carried into today’s sandwiches, and shall certainly endure for several more days, leading to a double intake of raisins. Also resentfully assumed the responsibility of bailiff for my personal finances. I hope one day I will have a clear idea of my cash flow.

Work was refreshingly quite today. The kitchen playlist dabbled in Thelonious Monk, before submitting to the inevitable Michael Jackson. My bladder mastered the hidden art of needing to be emptied just before a rush of orders came in. Completely unintentional, but great for a little selfish respite from not very much stress.

I had low-level, irrational anxiety about my hair’s cleanliness, so had to wash it, breaking my weekly cycle. Sorry Mother Earth for needlessly releasing chemicals into your belly. Then the evening took an episodic turn, with a music rehearsal that was uncannily similar to the last one.

October 17th (ninja way)

I wouldn’t normally opt to spend a day inside when it’s sunny, but normal rules and restraints go out of the window where ninjas are involved. Went to the cinema to watch the Ninjago movie; the Lord was speaking. All the Lego films somehow manage to be ridiculous and poignant simultaneously. After a brief lunch break, I watched Loving Vincent, an animated film made up entirely of paintings. One of the most extraordinary films I’ve ever watched.

Cleaned afterwards, feeling slightly weird. Think was a combo of the exhilarating Van Gogh visuals, and a lack of lunchtime caffeine. Great conditions to deliver a talk to the students on helping poor and vulnerable people, then. My love for coronation chicken has undone me. I feel like I’m going to give birth, but in which direction, I’m not sure.

October 16th (what rules)

After my weekly, Monday lie-in, I occupied myself with a mixture of exercising, watching Cowboy Bebop, and eating food at such times that didn’t fall under the labels of breakfast, brunch or lunch. Such dissolution of structure. Then headed off to teach piano. One lesson contained improvised songs, which were simultaneously dissonant, hilarious and profound.

In between all this was the traditional Costa trip, now appearing on a Monday time slot instead of Wednesday. The dishwasher was broken, so automatically decided to purchase a reusable mug instead of using a disposable one, in an irresistible reflex against environmental destruction. Didn’t reach any new, spiritual highs, but dealt with a lot of life admin. 

Dramatic windy times on Bole Hills with mixed feelings: should I have exercised my right to the last possible shorts day in 2017? I’ll have to wait fifty years to find out if I’ve caused damage to my kneecaps. The pizza fast was broken at the evening work social, and then cocktails for the first time in my life; I love alcohol.

October 15th (truth of his presence)

Actually enjoyed church quite a bit this morning, with being able to play piano and extend my megalomaniacal creativity. However, socialising was absolutely not an option afterwards; time needed to be invested in recuperating the nature energy. Didn’t get much time as the sun went in, but it’s so beneficial to be in an environment that’s neutral to any person, organisation or expectation, and have the freedom to assess what I actually feel.

I realise that we’re often told to prioritise our own desires to bring us satisfaction. But when we value heart over head, this can lead us to reject any negative emotion. Holyspirit was telling me that the truth of his presence is undeniable, and beyond any feeling. It’s time to stop focusing on perceived reality above what’s known and proven. We love to live for the unexpected, the unknown and the buzz, but this can’t take the place of common sense, or what needs to be achieved. It says in Proverbs, “Out in the open wisdom calls aloud.” The everyday doesn’t need to be boring.

October 14th (hello, it’s me)

All I can say is this life is probably very entertaining for a spectator, but looks like a car crash from my point of view. Actually, not really sure what I think or feel. My self-awareness has reached an all time low, which is strangely liberating. So completely unaware of my own desires; what I want, and what I think I should want. Time to step out of the introspective and selfish spiral.

All I know is that I was sorely tempted to have a second cup of coffee today, and only an enormous amount of self-control, and the disinclination towards an extra five toilet trips stopped me. For the first time in my life, wine seemed like the solution, but my descent into alcoholism has been reserved for another day. Ran from my confusion into a glory cloud, which inadvertently generated more confusion.

October 13th (patterns)

Lately, Fridays have assumed the structure of spending almost all my waking hours in a kitchen, and today was no exception. It felt like I’d lived a lifetime at work; then I checked my watch, and it was only two o’clock. How? Why? By what reasoning? Such fundamental questions as to who doles out the passage of time.

My digestive system has become quite reliant on curry, and is in disarray when without it, instead of the usual opposite. I enjoy starting and completing the entire process of cooking, listening to my own music, and with no interruptions. Carried on with the glory soundtracks afterwards. I don’t know if the music teaches me what to think, gives my mind permission to realise itself, or both. Was lying on my bed with the Father, trying to work out where I’m going wrong, and ended up receiving his loving embrace.

October 12th (morning has broken)

The morning routine has reached unprecedented heights; I managed to do Chi Kung, Pilates, and purchase milk for breakfast, all before 9:15. The back tension doesn’t know what to do. I can barely hold on under such an onslaught. Victories were slightly dampened by a cancelled driving lesson. Put my spare time to good use watching abortion and Friends. So much drama, so much laughter.
After writing a talk at church with Hyland, and an exceptional Tuscan bean soup, it was time for meaningful reflections on Ecclesall Road. I always visit this area when I need a good few hours of thought, as it reminds me of my time at uni, a period of constant flux. Listened to Halcyon Days by Ellie Goulding, the original glory soundtrack. Some crazy brain connections were made, which may need to forethought the political correctness sieve before sharing. Then curry wars at the Williams’. I’m sorry, but jar flavouring can never supersede the organic.